The Best Bar and Nightclub Jokes Ever

Having a boring day at the office or at uni, daydreaming about which bars or nightclubs you will be heading to this weekend? If so here is a few bar and nightclub jokes to break up the mediocrity of the daily grind. 

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 5 double shots. The bartender, a little surprised lines up the glasses and pours them out, assuming his mates are just round the corner. The man then, calm as a coma, knocks each shot back one after the other. The bartenders, amazed by this feat of drinking turns to the man and goes “that’s a big effort.” The man replies “you would drink quickly too if you had what I’ve got.” Curiously the bartender asks “what have you got mate” to which the man replies “no money.” 

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and asks the bartender how much? The bartender replies “no charge” 

A man, after having 27 drinks at a nightclub decides to head home, grabs his car keys and heads to the car park. Struggling to walk, he finally gets to his car, takes him 3 goes to get the keys into the ignition, reverses into the car park wall and drives straight through the boom gate. Realising his wife is at home waiting for him, a decides to drive as fast as possible, swerving across the road erratically. A police car see’s this and pulls him over. The copper asks the man “mate do you know how fast you were going?” The man replies “How the fuck would I know, I’ve just had 27 drinks.” 

A rabbi, a sheik and a priest all walk into a bar together holding hands singing “hari-krishna.” The bartender says to them “what is this some kind of bad joke?” 

A penguin walks into a bar and with a sense of urgency asks the bar man “sir have you seen my brother, he’s missing and I can’t find him” to which the bar man replies “what does he look like?” 

A man walks into a bar, and furiously yells ”all bouncer’s are assholes!!!” A man at the end of the bar stands up, slams his drink on the bar and yells “you better fucking take that back.” Shocked, the man says “why, are you a bouncer?” to which he replies “no… I’m an asshole.” 

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, How is this possible? The guy says “I’m the designated decoy” 

The Most Popular Way To Make Prank Phone Calls Online
April fool’s day is coming soon. If you have plans to trick your friend, then crank call is one of the best ways of doing so. Among numerous sites that can be found online, one such example is that helps you to trick your friends through their online portal. The site offers the following functionalities:

- Choose the Caller ID number for the prank

- Prank any phone in the USA or Canada

- Disguise your prank in 11 different voices

- Schedule prank calls - increase the prank fun

Prank Call Guidelines:

Good prank calls are a lot of fun, and can be the source of enjoyment for both the parties involved. The word “Good” is the important aspect in the prank call guidelines as it defines the boundary of the prank call that is limited to having fun and not to cause torment or demean anyone. Experienced Pranksters will generally move on to other forms of entertainment, such as literature and music. There are many types of Prank Calls such as funny calls, spoof calls, and others. You need to have empathy and understand that your actions do not torment any particular person, just so that you can have fun.

Reason to Prank:

Prank calls means that recipients are to be fooled in one way or the other. Funny calls, Nuisance and spoof calls come under one category and are intended to have fun. Occasionally, prank callers will attempt to sell recordings of their calls for money. This happens without the recipient person’s consent and is means to embarrass them.

On the other hand, threatening and harassment calls fall into the other category. It may be for a cause of revenge or to intimidate the recipient. Filing a case against the prankster may leave him behind bars. However, unless there is evidence that a serious incident could occur as a direct result of these phone calls the authorities are powerless to help.

Funny calls and tricks:

Good prank is to call a Chinese restaurant and ask for some junk food; also suggest that they must have that on their menu. One other prank call can be to pretend as if you’re a Television host and giving away lots of dollars for a simple participation. Behind all these calls you should prepare yourselves with a proper plan and then make a call. One other prank call can be to mimic the person you are placing the prank call on and repeat everything that he or she says. This is one of the best ideas for good prank calls that you can use if they say, hello, repeat the same, if they say, are you mad, you do the same. This is one of the most funny prank call ideas that you can make use of.

Advise yourself by not crossing the line and you’re safe and happy and also create amusement for the recipient.